Docs & Stuff

I went to see my psychiatrist today. She’s a very nice lady. It took me forever to get in to see her, because she was the only person trained in women’s issues that my insurance covered in the area. GAH. Insurance is so frustrating. I get it, Obama. I do.

She had wanted me to write down all what happened to me this summer, and that’s what brought me back to this blog in the first place. It did lift some of the awfulness that has been following me around for so long. It has made me more cognizant of my true feelings on the subject. I WAS scared. I was very alone for the first few days of that, and because of those scary, lonely feelings, I now panic just a bit when I’ve been alone for too long. Too often I turn to alcohol to numb those feelings, but it’s a new year. It’s a new start. I’m not looking back…or maybe I’ll say that I won’t be dwelling too much in the past.

A friend of mine started a biggest loser competition for our fellow friends, and I’ve joined up. I also bought Tony Horton’s 10 Minute Trainer about a month ago and just tried it out yesterday. It’s HARD, but incredibly manageable. I mean, come on, it’s 10 minutes. Today, I plan on doing two 10 minute workouts and eating a big, healthy salad for dinner. Here’s to losing thirty ten pounds! Small goals, eyes on the prize. Perhaps weight loss will help our baby plans as well.

I’m hoping this year my story turns out better than last year. Dennis & I will be trying to have a baby the good ol’ fashioned way, with some tracking of my ovulating days. If that doesn’t work, we’ll be doing some basic fertility testing mid-year. I know God has a plan, but so far it’s been a pretty painful road, and I’m not sure how much strength I have inside of me. Thank all of you for your support so far. I’m beyond thankful for bloggers right now; they’ve given me the courage to put my words out there and the hope that I may have a child of my own.

-E

P.S. – 172.2 pounds. On my 5’2” frame. Ugh. Stay tuned for updates!